How The World’s Top Relationship Builder Connects with People

Jeffrey Gitomer is a world-renowned connector. His book “Little Black Book of Connections” was a fun read. To see the full list of strategies for connecting, get a copy of his book here. It’ll be worth it!


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Gitomer breaks down simple strategies and steps on how to make connections in a better, more powerful way. The only thing is you have to implement them.

1. Be friendly first, and everything else falls into place.

Friendly breeds likability and trust. People do business with people they like and people they trust. The twin of friendly is smiley. People who smile are 100 times more attractive than people who don’t. How friendly are you? How easy is it for you to make friends?

2. Project your self-image in a way that breeds confidence in others.

Your handshake is an indicator of your self-image. So is your dress. Everything from your hair to your shoes is an indicator of who you are and what your style may be or not be. Projected image creates first impressions. And even though first impressions are not correct, they are the ones that stick in the mind of the other person until corrected.

3. Your ability to look someone in the eye as you speak to them is a tell-tale sign of your own self-respect.

Make eye-contact. It’s not only a sign of confidence, but it’s a display of truth and respect for other person. DO you find it easy to make eye contact? Do you find it a sign of weakness when others make eye contact with you?

4. “90% of success is showing up,” is a quote made famous by Woody Allen.

He almost had it right. The principle is: 90% of success is showing up prepared. Preparation is the key to success. Most people are either underprepared or unprepared. There’s no such thing as overprepared.


5. The less you focus on your motive to meet, the more likely it is that your connection will be successful.

Most people trying to connect have some sort of motive or need. That’s OK, depending upon when you make the ask. In my opinion, it should be later than sooner. Frist seek friendship and acceptance. In other words, drop your agenda and focus on connecting, not extracting. Is your focus short-term gain, or a long-term relationship?

6. Take a genuine interest in other people before you ask them to take a genuine interest in you.

If you’re trying to connect with another person, it seems obvious you’d want to get to know them. Not just to qualify them, but to learn from them. The best way to find out about other people is to ask questions.

7. The sooner you can find something in common with the other guy, the sooner all the barriers will disappear.

The link is not the secret. Finding it is. Find common ground, and you’ll have something to talk about. Think about the closest friends and the closest connections you have made throughout your life. I’ll guarantee you the foundation is filled with things you have in common. Are you willing to devote the time that it takes to uncover things you may have in common with a prime connection?

8. The higher up the ladder you go, the more cautious people will be of your advances.

Everyone wants to make powerful connections. A biggest question is: Do the powerful people want to make a connection with you? That depends on value, engagement, and the interest that you generate. In general, people with wealth are in no hurry to make big decisions. Don’t you be either.

9. Your project image will often determine your ability to make a real connection.

It’s not “class,” it’s “first class.” And image leads to reputation. How are people referring to you behind your back?

9.5. Be yourself. Talk real, act real, be real, and you will find that others will do the same in return.

In the classic Dale Carnegie book How to Win Friends and Influence People, the underlying theme is, “Be yourself.” How real are you to others? How real are you to yourself?